Family Stressors

I find this topic fascinating because that is something that has been directly affecting our marriage in the recent weeks. My husband and I have been dating for seven years and were married last August. We were lucky and had that fairy tale ending, as most people describe it. In comparison to most serious stressors, my husband and I often reflect on troubles we had in the past with our long distance relationship and bring them into our marriage. I will admit, that is more of a problem that I struggle with than him. He has the mindset that the past is the past, while I still dwell on those times that I was hurt. This seems ridiculous, and realistically is ridiculous, because we are married and really it shouldn't matter. As a result, my husband and I have found methods to difuse any tension or stress by simply discussing how different our marriage is now compared to a silly teenage dating experience. Our outlook is different, because we are a team. I feel that if you always have that "team" mentality, you can overcome all stressors whether they be a death, finances, disobedient children, loss of employment, etc. you can tackle any trial put in your path. The adversary wants us to feel stressed and overwhelmed and feel like we have no way out, but we have our spouse, family, and the Lord to aid us through any difficult challenge put in our path.

Marital Intimacy

Intimacy has become very distorted in the media and throughout the world. I felt like the discussions we had in class about why intimacy is important in a marriage were very interesting. As married couples, we need intimacy to feel attractive, appreciated, comforted, as well as identifying specific gender roles in a marriage. One of the most important reasons intimacy is crucial in a marriage is because it allows us to create/build our individual family units. I know that as a newlywed, I am not currently ready to add children to our family yet, but that it is something that we look forward to doing. We are now focusing on how to get to know one another in all aspects of our marriage. We are grateful for the gift of intimacy that we are now allowed to partake of. I liked the analogy of the gift, and as members of the Church, this can often be an awkward thing to address, but it is a beautiful thing. Intimacy in a marriage can improve a bad marriage and bring more love and attention to important details of one another’s needs. One of the most memorable parts of class was when Brother Williams said that you can tell how a marriage is functioning based on the couples sexual experience. Sex goes beyond the physical, it is an emotional bond that belongs within the bounds of marriage.  

Getting To Know Them

Being married is a wonderful journey, but also an incredible learning experience. When we were discussing in class what changes when you get married, I thought we covered a lot of great things. Some of those changes are: Routines, Schedules, Sharing Everything, Budget/Finances, and Personal Space. I feel very fortunate that my husband and I have been together for so long (seven years), because it made our transition much easier. I would say that our most difficult transition was the financial aspect. It is not that we do not have the money, it's the fact that I am very organized with our finances and my husband is very lax. If I were to give advice to an engaged couple, it would be to discuss all of the necessary topics, but also create a budget before you get married. Get in the routine of living on a budget, because life much different when two people share an account. I have found that being open-minded to eachother's solutions on how to solve problems not only solves the problem, but brings you and your spouse together.

Being Newlyweds and The Long Road Before

There is no better feeling than being married. You have found that one person and you no longer have to live in the dating "scene". For one thing, the dating scene is scary, and could potentially be unhealthy. The dating scene, in most areas other than an LDS community, has high risks associated with it. In the discussions of "hooking up" and "hanging out" I am reminded of when Sister Dalton came to BYU-Idaho last semester and gave a talk about how young ladies should not allow boys to ask them to hang out, but make them really take them out on a date. I think those were inspired words. Traditional dating is what helps structure a workable marriage. You need to official be dedicated to someone before you can marry them. I was dating the same young man for seven, yes seven years, before we were married. I had seen him in every season, situation, and environment. It is important to really know someone before getting married, and I assure you it is almost impossible to do so without having the traditional dating experience.

Was I Born This Way?

This week in class we discussed primarily same gender attraction and the difficulties associated with it. Being from Vermont I am very familiar with same gender attraction. I remember in my high school having at least three of my teachers being homosexuals. I also had a basketball coach who was a lesbian. I was never put in a position where I felt uncomfortable, in fact it helped me realize how important people are as individuals not being based on their sexual orientation. However, I did have a friend who had two fathers. It was very apparent that she needed a mother figure. There are obvious challenges for girls being raised without a motherly influence. My friend struggled with dating, puberty, and interacting socially with other females. I have never thought that was fair. I know she would have had an easier transition with a mother figure and a father figure. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know that everybody's gender is of God and given to us to fulfill roles as a mother and a father. If those roles in each family are not met, there is a definite problem that cannot be reversed if the situation remains the same.