Family Sculpting

I thought it was really interesting to watch the volunteer family in class be sculpted into a formation that best describes the current relationship and the relationship they eventually wanted to achieve. If I had to sculpt my current family situation (including both my immediate family and husband), it would look something like this. My dad would probably be somewhere in the upper middle. He would be in the middle because he is the center of our home. He is the nucleus. He presides, protects, and provides for everyone and therefore directly effects and should touch everyone. My mom would be right at his side because she and my father are a team and make all of the decisions together. My parents would both be in the middle located above everyone because it is apparent in our family that together they make decisions that will affect the family as a whole. Next would be me standing just below my dad because I have a very close "daddy's girl" relationship with him. Likewise, my sister would be on my mother's lower side because she has that same relationship with her. And of course, next to us would be each of our husbands. I like to think of myself as lucky, because for the most part my family is normal and openminded. We respect one another, and cherish the time that we are able to spend with one another. The family sculpting exercise helped me re-evaluate how much I appreciate the family unit and structure and how important it is to our existence on the Earth.

You Know....Those "Unsaid Rules"

Everyone family has them...things that you just don't do because it's just plain old inappropriate. There are unsaid rules in society, the family you grew up in, and the little family you have now with you and your spouse (if you are married). Let's review some that have impacted my life in the following categories:

Society
*You never, never, ever, ask a woman if they are pregnant if they may look like it, but you may be...unsure.
*You never talk on your cell phone in a restaurant.
*You never talk to a stranger on an elevator, you simply look up at the numbers 1-10 as if you have never seen them before.

Pretty simple social norms, and most people understand those. But what about the various families we grow up with? Here were some of mine.

Family
*When Dad talks, you listen (I believe another girl mentioned that one in class).
*You get A's when it comes to grades. My Dad would always say, "You are capable, and it's an expectation."
*You never wear your shoes in the house, in Vermont, it's just rude.
*You be home for dinner, it was never blatantly stated, but there was always a place setting with your name on it.

In My Little Fam
*Change the toilet paper if it runs out (which should be a rule in every household).
*You do not go on large shopping sprees without the other's approval.
*The Kitchen is always clean before we go to bed.

All of these things are not rules written down anywhere, but are simply completed tasks or ideas that occur as a result of what we consider normal and acceptable.

Observing Extended Family

My post is a little late this week, because my grandmother passed away this past unexpectedly. I had to leave Friday for New Mexico for her funeral, thus rearranging my life this week to go. My extended family, much like other people's, has a unique and intricate love/hate relationship. If the claws do not come out at one point or another during an extended family gathering, it would be, well....abnormal. I took this weekend to simply observe my family members and see what triggers each individual person. What I observed was that, control and power is a big issue in our extended family. Whether it is power over the food, the social atmosphere, or boasting about their perfect children. It becomes a literal epidemic. And how sad. In class this past Tuesday, we discussed the importance of observing people, and why it is so effective. Sometimes when people (myself including), know their opinions or behaviors are being seen or calculated in surveys or interviews, they put on a front. But observations, especially when unplanned, and on family members, are quite insightful...